Still, silence. Still silence. Until the smell of the release caught up to the metaphysics. Now, she needed to face him, to grant him the remnant dignity, to overlook the biology of passing, to touch him, to place pads of fingertips along his neck and on his wrist.
She turned to him and knelt to one knee. Bill’s eyes had dulled to milk left sitting on the counter too long, the water separating from the lactose. His jaw had slackened, his mouth slightly agape. “You needed someone to be here with you. Sorry it had to be me, Bill,” she said softly. “I don’t mind doing it. I’m just sorry for you that it happened to be me.”
Grabbing his neck, she propped up his chin with her thumb as she felt for his jugular. Whether intentionally or not, she held his face up, his eyes now aligned with hers. No pulse yet, no pulse yet, no pulse yet, no pulse yet. After a minute, she quit thinking the yet. Hope hadn’t left though. It simply transferred its wishes. From life to whatever Bill had believed would happen next.
For people of past generations, it's rare to find atheists, Mona reminded herself. These men had survived foxholes and seen the conquering of diseases that had carried away their younger siblings. They’d raised livestock, had dealt with death regularly. Accepted its bitterness, finality, and lack of influence or control over it.
Still, silence. Still silence. Until the smell of the release caught up to the metaphysics. Now, she needed to face him, to grant him the remnant dignity, to overlook the biology of passing, to touch him, to place pads of fingertips along his neck and on his wrist.
She turned to him and knelt to one knee. Bill’s eyes had dulled to milk left sitting on the counter too long, the water separating from the lactose. His jaw had slackened, his mouth slightly agape. “You needed someone to be here with you. Sorry it had to be me, Bill,” she said softly. “I don’t mind doing it. I’m just sorry for you that it happened to be me.”
Grabbing his neck, she propped up his chin with her thumb as she felt for his jugular. Whether intentionally or not, she held his face up, his eyes now aligned with hers. No pulse yet, no pulse yet, no pulse yet, no pulse yet. After a minute, she quit thinking the yet. Hope hadn’t left though. It simply transferred its wishes. From life to whatever Bill had believed would happen next.
For people of past generations, it's rare to find atheists, Mona reminded herself. These men had survived foxholes and seen the conquering of diseases that had carried away their younger siblings. They’d raised livestock, had dealt with death regularly. Accepted its bitterness, finality, and lack of influence or control over it.